RESOLVING CONFLICTS

Here are some guidelines to use when you are in a conflict with your children:

  • You have a greater chance of resolving a conflict with your child if he trusts you; namely if he believes you have his interests at heart.

  • You show that you have her interests at heart by truly listening to what she is saying, and then by checking with her whether what you heard her say is true (by telling her back what you heard her say). Do this before you say your side of the story. (You do not show him you have his interests at heart when you beat him and then say that you did it because you love him and you want what is best for him _ children do not associate pain with love.)

  • When you say your side of the story, it is important not to present it as a set of rules, but rather to share your feelings. For example, instead of saying, "You may not stay out late with your friends" say, "I feel worried when you stay out late with your friends." Sharing your feeling can make you feel more vulnerable, but in your vulnerability your child will see your genuine strength.

  • Explain the reason you are feeling the way you do; for example, "I feel worried when you stay our late with your friends because I love you and I am scared you may get harmed" Don't be afraid to say, "I love you" - this is not a sign of weakness.