Hey Nike, what are you doing this weekend?
I am attending a marriage ceremony.
Really? You know, I love marriage ceremonies, and I dream about getting married someday!
Me too! I guess we share the same dreams of getting married in the future.
So what type of marriage ceremony are you attending?
What do you mean type? Marriage is marriage.
You are right, Nike, but people get married differently.
Some marry according to traditional customs of their people, which is called traditional marriage. Others have a civil marriage ceremony in the Registry or a religious marriage which happens either in a Church or a Mosque.
Oh right! I guess I am attending a traditional marriage then.
It is interesting how two people meet, get to know each other and decide to marry.
Yes, but there are some marriages that are arranged by the families of the couple. It may be arranged even before the couples meet each other and sometimes against their wishes.
You are right. I once attended such a marriage and it was clear that the bride was not happy because throughout the ceremony she did not smile.
That makes me sad ... those kind of marriages don't start off on good terms, and can be much harder and full of problems.
It is best then if the couple meet, get to know each other and decide on their own to get married without pressure from families.
Yes but more importantly both partners should try to discover why they want to marry, what each can offer to make the marriage work, and if the other has the qualities they desire in a marriage partner.
You are absolutely right Nike, because a lot of people nowadays get married for the wrong reasons!
Some wrong reasons why people get married: 1) to depend on somebody for financial needs 2) to gain respect in the society 3) to be taken care of 4) because of peer pressure or because many of their friends are getting married 5) to escape from problems at home
Reasons why people should get married: 1) because they love each other 2) to share their lives together 3) need for companionship 4) to build a family together
Right, and after they are clear on why they want to be married, they should consider the commitment of marriage. A lot of people spend so much time preparing for the ceremony that they never prepare themselves for the actual marriage.
Issues partners should start to discuss before they get married: 1) Where they will live. 2) When they want to have children and how many children they want to have. 3) Relationships with family and friends. 4) Professional aspirations. 5) Child rearing beliefs.
Resolving these issues would help them live in harmony and avoid some of the challenges that may arise from these kind of issues after marriage.
Hmm... but sometimes even when these things have been resolved some people still have problems in their marriages.
Yes that is true. The section on 'Tips' talks more on why some marriages still fail; and that is why marriage is not something that should be rushed into or else you end up rushing out of it.
Talk about rushing: I attended a wedding where the bride was barely 15 years old! Isn't that early for getting married?
Yes it is. Teenage or early marriage is a marriage between teenagers or where one of the partners is a teenager or still a child.
Some young people feel the need to be married because of 1) unplanned pregnancy 2) Fantasies about romance 3) The need to get away from unhappy home or 4) because of traditional practices. Some young people are even forced to get married early by their parents!
There are some dangers from early marriage 1. It increases the rate of death during pregnancy and delivery for both mother and child as a result of complications.
2. It may lead to serious health problems like Vesico-Vaginal Fistula (V.V.F.) or Recto-Vaginal Fistula (R.V.F.) V.V.F. causes the uncontrollable leakage of urine through the vagina while R.V.F. causes leakage of faeces through the vagina.
3. It denies young women access to adequate education.
4. It contributes to population explosion as a result of early and frequent childbearing.
I guess since teenagers are not biologically, emotionally or socially prepared to take on the responsibilities that come with marriage, such marriages often do not work out, right?
Right Nike! Early marriages are likely to fail because of the following:
1) The relationship is based on fantasies and romantic feelings that do not last e.g. infatuation.
2) Lack of readiness to take on adult roles or cope with challenges and responsibilities involved in marriage.
3) Living with the parents of one of the partners which may lead to conflict; and 4) Low income leading to financial problems, which may lead to one partner abusing the other partner.
This is why a person needs to be physically, emotionally and financially mature before deciding to get married.
Absolutely. Once matured the couple already have a good foundation for a successful marriage.
Some indicators or qualities of a successful marriage are 1. Mutual respect and cooperation 2. Shared values, beliefs and interests and leisure activities 3. Good communication pattern 4. Ability to resolve conflicts mostly without the intervention of a third party 5. Reasonable economic base 6. Trust
We have learnt quite a lot from each other, even things we never thought about before. Thanks a lot, Yusuf.
Thank you too, Nike, and have fun at the wedding. Bye!
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